But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
