apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
