I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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