he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
