Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize