my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
