This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
