I cockslap morals
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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