I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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