I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
