Do you still have your period?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
