Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
