why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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