it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
