You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
