I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
