hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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