Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
