we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
