take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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