So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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