Already got asked if we're dating
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
