i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize