Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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