My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
