oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize