i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
