We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
