Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
false alarm, still single
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