You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
