I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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