this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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