So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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