I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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