So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
