Porn is love you can see.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
