Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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