I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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