You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
