His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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