Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
