I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
