Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Porn is love you can see.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
