I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
