guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
