This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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