Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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