she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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