I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
