i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Higher Power is John Stamos
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
