Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize