i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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