Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize