I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are a genius and a whore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
