and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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