New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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