New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
