It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
