I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i now understand why vodka
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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