Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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