You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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