I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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