no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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