What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize