$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
