my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
