ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
