I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
