I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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