It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
