fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
