Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
