the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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