Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
