at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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