Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
