when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
