I hate your face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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