3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
