i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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