i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
