Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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