his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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