Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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