My hand turned me down
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
