goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize