About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
