This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
