I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
