My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
