And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
