My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
