are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
