we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize