$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
